THE REAL Housewives of Cheshire star Rachel Lugo opened up about her "fear of rejection" after her mum left her when she was just nine years old.
The TV favourite - who appears in tonight's RHOC Christmas special - said she has a massive fear of rejection which stemmed from her childhood.
Rachel, 47, who recently rekindled her romance with boyfriend Nick after a rocky ending on the last series, said she still thinks back to that heartbreaking moment.
Speaking exclusively to The Sun, Rachel said: "I have a massive fear of rejection, and that all stems back from when my mum left when I was nine and certain things stay with you.
"I remember saying 'mummy please don't leave me, please don't go' and she left.
"That's why people have a bit of difficultly understanding why I don't ask people to stay because my heart was completely broken, and it stuck with me.
REAL MORE ON THE RHOC
"So, you don't put yourself in a vulnerable position ever and that's my protective mode."
Rachel - who has been honest about her difficult divorce with ex John Lugo, after 24 years of marriage - said she wanted to take her new romance with Nick slowly.
ITVBe viewers have watched the mum-of-five juggle her work, home and love life on the show.
Rachel said she had struggled to progress her relationship with Nick, who she has been dating since 2020, but has now admitted that the pair are on the right track, hinting that marriage could be on the cards one day.
The businesswoman said: "We hadn't spoken [at the reunion], it's really difficult and a second time round all the concerns you have, all the worries and trying to get that balance.
"I always compare it to someone who has just delivered a baby, I'm talking seconds, and then going 'so when's your next one'.
"You're a bit like, 'what, are you joking, the trauma hasn't passed'
"I think we obviously had to have a big conversation about why my head is where it's at and it's nothing to do with him. It's to do with my previous experience that's all."
When asked if their relationship is stronger than ever now, Rachel replied: "Yes, we are stronger now."
She continued: "I would love to say yes [to marriage], a year ago I was in a different mindset.
"The longer and harder the battle became; it just took everything out of me.
"I still don't know, I'm not there yet."
Speaking about living arrangements, Rachel added: "No we haven't moved in together.
"Nick's obviously got his two children and I've got five and a grandchild due next year.
"It would take a house move for that to happen - his kids have their home where they are happy, and my kids have their home."
Rachel went onto praise the dad-of-two for being her dream match.
"He just gets me completely and he accepts me for who I am," the TV star said.
"He told me the other day that he can 'see the kindest most loving person, who's fragile, who's been hurt' and he went on and on and on.
"He's just so in touch with his own feelings, he's not frightened to open up. He's so supportive and so loving, he's just amazing."
On-board ship for this brand-new series are The Real Housewives of Cheshire’s Rachel, Hanna Kinsella, Lauren Simon, Lystra Adams, Nicole Sealey, Seema Malhotra and Sheena Lynch.
The Housewives are squeezing in one last fabulous girls’ trip before Christmas, taking to the seas to cruise around Mexico in luxurious style.
Guest Housewives Tanya Bardsley and Ester Dee make a surprise return as they travel from port to port in search of sun, sea and fun.
Read more on The Sun
This series Rachel has big news to celebrate, a storm is brewing between Hanna and Seema, and will Tanya and Ester be welcomed back with open arms? It’s all hands-on deck.
The Real Housewives of Cheshire will be making a splash return to ITVBe and the ITV Hub on Monday 5th December at 9pm, in The Real Housewives of Cheshire: Christmas Cruising.
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