Sexual healingSexNow I can't think about sex in the same way and have split up with my boyfriend. Should I talk to my sister about it?A traumatic childhood memory was triggered at the end of a very stressful year. When I was a child, my sister and I used to masturbate with each other. I have found this memory troubling and can't forget about it. I have been having panic attacks, broken up with a boyfriend with whom I was living, and have not been able to think about sex in the same way. I also feel responsible as I was the elder child and instigated it. I can't talk to anyone about it as it is such a taboo. I have started seeing a counsellor, but I'm worried that people will judge me for being a bad person. Is this something that I should talk to my sister about? I'm worried about rocking the boat and bringing this up after 15 years.
It sounds as if you have not yet shared this in therapy, but I urge you to trust your counsellor so you can receive the help you need. This kind of sibling childhood sexuality is pretty common, so try to be kind to yourself. You were acting on normative desires you did not understand how to appropriately manage at the time.
I understand that this recovered memory is causing you considerable distress, but it does not have to affect your adult sexuality for ever. Consider addressing it with your sister too. Perhaps you could both discuss it in a joint therapy session. It is very likely that she will ultimately welcome the chance to resolve her own feelings about it.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist specialising in sexual disorders
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